Just feel like typing again.

So it seems like I'll only blog once every year or so, looking back at my previous posts, I realised I'm a different person from who I was when I wrote those. Some things change, some things still remain the same. Mostly my pessimism about life in general.

At this time of writing, I am currently a NEET (Not in Employment, Education or Training) The glorious life of being a bum, freeloading off my mum. I wonder how I'll feel the next time I decide to look back at this blog and remember the time I was living the life. LOL.

And hopefully, by the time I return, I would have some accomplishments. One of which would be to find a girlfriend, something I struggle with since puberty. Another thing I hope I would have done is getting a degree, or in process of getting one. Not that it's impossible to work in Singapore or anywhere else without one. It's just something good to have, something nice on the resume.

Not everyone gets to go to a large company with huge benefits and amazing starting pay. Not everyone performs top of the class and gets a scholarship. Not everyone performs incredible at work and impresses their boss. There's always the average joe, there's always someone like me. Some things are just out of the normal person's reach. Sure some of these 'normals' get it if they try hard enough, but then they won't be considered normal if they succeed. Because the act of succeeding makes that 'abnormal' or 'above average'.

Enough about that. On a lighter note, I'm really afraid of death. I mean, have you really considered death. And since I find the idea of an afterlife a bit hard to believe, all thats left is nothing. Nothingness. Just nothing, this self-aware consciousness that represents me will cease to exist. I guess that's also the biggest dividing point for individuals.

To say that these two people are separate individuals is to say they have separate consciousness. Even though our body is made of millions (could be more, I r not biololologist) of cells, each cell is alive. Some possibly able to live outside the body in a petri dish or something. And yet the entire body, with the same genetic code is classified as one person, that one consciousness. All the atoms in the universe are like some way, in contact with one another. Like how I'm in contact with the floor and the floor is in contact with the earth and the earth is in contact with hydrogen in space and everyone else is also in contact with the earth. Our separation of atoms takes place at the individual level. If ever there's a way to link minds together as one giant consciousness, then individual people will just be another cell in the grand network. Hmm... but what about non living things, how did we come to separate them. Feel free to let me know what you think, I haven't exactly given it much thought and research.

Back to the topic about death. There is a part of us that lives on, and that'll be our genetic code. We could say all of us are the same living thing, just going down different paths. And to be honest, really. No one will give a damn if I die. If someone I knew passed away. I'll feel sad, knowing that the person is no longer with us, his/her time has expired. He/she can no longer... experience. Which brings me to another point, what does it mean to live?

All these questions I've asked myself over and over. And I always end up at the same conclusion. The only troublesome part is I have to go through the questions & answer phase in my head. The conclusion I always end up with is "Be happy." Life will end. So just do what makes you happy.

And I hope if anyone out there stumbles across this hellhole of a site. Be happy, live your life the way you want to.

Oh btw, new alias. Used it for WoW for like 6 years now. Better than zer0ballz imo. But zer0ballz is never taken. Hehe

- Iammortal

Life sucks

I've been saying that forever, and to be honest, I have no idea why I continue to live.

What is your goal in life?

I have no clear goal in mind. Thinking about the future only scares me. I, however, am in debt to my mum, who has provided so much for me. If anything, my goal would be to make my mother proud, or at least be able to support her financially when she's older.

I wish I was a mute, so I wouldn't have to speak to anyone about shit that doesn't concern me.

AND WTF IS WITH "I call upon the spirit of wootar" I don't recall changing to that.

 

My "diary" during my sispec days

As above, what I'm about to type in is those stuff i wrote during my sispec days. We had to wait a lot, from point to point. Lesson were fucking boring, all these gave me time to write some sort of reflection of the day. Just penning down what I was thinking at that point of time. Some of these entries will sound really retarded/crazy/selfish, but it's just me, so meh.... here goes.

************************************************
Year 2007
Month 10
Day 4

I cant believe I forgot to call mum lat night. Better call later tonight and apologise. Damn... i called Honky instead. Anyways, today we had a couple of talks. I slept halfway through the first one. But the second talk was about Medical stuff/chao kengness interested me, even after he said we could 'mediate'

Book out tomorrow, can;t wait man... So many things to do, so little time. Outfield again, next week. That's gonna suck. Safety briefing is boring... but essential, still boring. Apparently we're gonna do some 'practise' later. Waste time la. So many things I want to do. Watch all the new anime, look at the new cards. PVP some This kinda sucks btw. **** is damn irregular smoothness is pretty good though. Reli's at my house right now. lol, Should be quite funny

Feeling really sleepy these days. Bot sure if I'm getting enough sleep or just too damned lay. I can't focus on one portion or thought for long somehow I always drift.

Focus. Focus. Focus. Break... lol
So right now I'm thinking about thinking of stuff to write in this little 'diary entry' of mine. Oh yah, AGR later, its suppose to be different form that in Tekong, so should be interesting,. if we havent been running every fucking day

PLus i think i got a mozzie bites on my ***. Almost 3 now, hope this lessn ends ASAP. So we can go back and rest before the AGR.

Help, give back, create, conjur, something of nothing. Well.. i'm not interesting or firendly or helpful, or charismatic, so there goes my shot in getting a decent job. Gee Gee yeah. WTF am i wrting these anyway? ** means to pass time? I guess, so *** i continue writing like once a day or one every few days?

MEOWWWW??!!

************************************************

Thats my entry for that day. 04102007
All the *** means i can't understand what the fuck i wrote there. Terrible handwriting, I have.

So.... Air Force eh?

Damn, its really been a long time since I last blogged.

Done so much over this few months
And yet it feels so little

Enlisted on 15th June
POP on 11th Sep
CPL rank on 2nd Dec

Those times in army weren't easy. Some times I felt like getting injured so I can OOC
But I'm proud to say I haven't fall out and gotten status since I enlisted.

I actually kept a diary of sorts during my time in sispec
But the fucken thing got soaked in water and its pretty unreadable now
So many things to do
So little time
So lazy
So bored

Weekends ends so fast
its like, hey.... fuck, its sunday, gotta book in soon

ahhhhhhhh
so much to do
but no idea where to begin
and leads to having nothing to do
i hate this feeling
theres anime to watch
but i dont feel like watching
i could play TF2
but i dont feel like playing
I could go out
but theres nothing to do outside
I could pack my stuff,
but i'm lazy to do that
i could call someone
but i wouldnt know what to talk about
i could do something constructive
but i prefer sitting on my chair typing
i could play a new game
but it'll suck cause i dont have time for it
I could play wow
but theres nothing except pvp
cause i cant make it for raids
i could play maplestory
but its a fucken game which is nothing more than endless grinding till your brain turns into mush
i could d/l crysis
but i'm low on space
i could clear up my harddisk
to free some space for other d/ls
but its too troublesome to take those DVDs out to burn
I could masturbate
but after i'm done i'm back to square one
i could read forums
but havent encountered anything interesting and its boring to flip through so many useless/pointless threads
i could construct a deck
but i probably have no one to play with and wouldnt spend the time and effort to get the cards

So.... fuck, this sucks

Already?

Ya.. I know, I've just posted yesterday. Here's another one.

This is kinda important... well... not really, but I spent a lot of time on this.

Anywho.. Story starts in

5

4

3

.

.

I was surfing spikedhumor.com Which in my opinion kicks youtube's ass, cause there's far too much crap on youtube, and I came across this short video clip teaching you how to make TACOS. It all seemed pretty easy to make, looks damn good and it IS tacos! Where else would you get tacos!

So anyway, after much pondering, I've decided to give it a shot. Gathered all the stuff I need to make the totias (spelling) and the stuffing thingy (no idea what they call it). Let's just say I'll need a lot of practice.

It didn't turn out exactly as what I was expecting, but I ate it anyway.
Tortias were hard and brittle. Eggs weren't fully cooked. Potatoes pieces are slightly too big.
Other than all I've mentioned, I think I did a pretty good job.

Just some kind of update

So.. 5 months passed since I last blogged.

Had my 20th birthday, nothing special, as usual.
Got an MP3 player from my mom, no one else gave gifts. Which isn't surprising cause I don't give gifts too.

WoW is getting boring, specifically Karazhan. All's fun when we're killing new bosses, downing them after numerous attempts. But now the first few bosses are pretty much on farm status, and newer players keep coming in and completely clueless. My drive to get better gear already diminishing. With small pathetic increments to my DPS, pretty much the only thing I strive to achieve in raids, I won't be needing any "upgrades" anytime soon.

New content is always fun. But being confined to raid 2 or 3 means I won't be seeing nightbane soon. The next content patch will bring out about many new things. A lot of changes I'm looking forward to, a few that I'm not... but it's all good. Change is good. Somehow.

15th June is my enlistment date. My WoW life would end around that time. I hope I can live through what's in store for me in tekong. Can't say I'm excited to go in, but apparently, it'll shape me into someone better. I'll miss my computer.

At the moment, I'm really out of shape. I become out of breath really quickly, I'm not as agile as before and I'm gaining weight. Like fatty weight. Hair's still growing, no style whatsoever. It's gone when I go army anyway... so why bother.

Anger Management....

Anyways, I read this news article on the new paper. It was about teenagers beating up other innocent teenagers, filming it with their video camera phones, then posting it up and boasting about it.

First of all, I see no reason why someone would do something so malicious. Has the world degenerate back to wild & uncivilised beginnings? Hell, even animals don't have unprovoked attacks on one another. Is beating up another person showing how "manly" and "tough" you are? I know there are some fucking pain in the ass assholes out there... hmm, actually a good beating might really shut them up for good. However, unprovoked attacks are just rediculous.

Which brings me to another point, does being better at someone at something gives you the right to put them down, call them names, laugh and gloat at them? A sick thrend I noticed from playing DotA ( which I only play when my friends invite me to) is people, especially those on the winning side, calling the other side noobs.

It's like, no matter how fucking stupid they sound, however baseless their comments are, as long you're losing to them, u R teh SUK! This is what happens when you let 13 year olds near the computer. They get all testorone on your ass and bask in that few minutes of "glory". It's really shameful when you take pride is beating someone's ass in game and boasting about it. In fact, it's really shameful you boast about beating someone up. Healthy competition is fine, thrash talking sometimes is fun. Being a fucking dick, not so much fun.

As for me, personally... I hate losing. I love team games and stuff, but the more the players, the more I let down when I fail to perform. I don't let myself off easily if I fail to perform and I also don't let others off easily. It's easy to blame one million other factors. It's easy to say work harder next time. It's easy to say bad matchup. But I also want to know that you or I have exhuasted all possibilites before blaming on other things. Sometimes... ok, most of the time I say some really harsh things to people. Everyone has their own anger limitation... mine limit is pretty low.

"you shouldn't take out your anger on other people" that's somewhat true, but as I said before... someone has to take the blame, someone screwed up, someone didn't perform. If no one did any of that, then we were simply outplayed. Which I hate, but it's acceptable. And being outplayed shouldn't be an excuse people use all the time to make up for their shortcomings. FFS, take some hit, stop blaming everyone else.

Note: the above sometimes applies to me, however... in my blind rage, I usually fail to see that.

With that said, I don't really enjoy pvp. I'm too slow on reaction, I adapt poorly. The only way I get better at things is constantly/repeatedly doing the same thing. Which spells PvE. And Damn... I'm good